Added: Shianne Kujawski - Date: 30.09.2021 15:44 - Views: 25054 - Clicks: 2566
Two days ago, I decided to stop doing the dishes. I make all the dinners and I am tired of having to do all the cleaning too. Some have gone on cleaning strikes and have shared how messy their houses get. Two days later, she started to tweet about it. She chronicled how horribly messy her house got, the weak half-a-sed way her partner eventually tried to help, and how frustrating it was for her. Her last tweet said her house smelled like bleach. However it was a real journey to get her husband to recognize that he needed to help.
So many of us can relate to this. Her first tweet is above and you can follow that thread from there. I included some highlights below. Let me know when you want to talk about the fact that I stopped doing the laundry too. The piles are everywhere. God give me strength. We keep our homes tidy because love. We cook food and set tables and fill the air with scents of roses and fresh laundry because love. Love is patient but love is also fucking tired because she works 14 hour days. That was yesterday. I woke up to that this morning and briefly considered leaving it for him, but just gave up and did it myself.
How many times do we just do it ourselves until we end up breaking? As the person running the household I do not have this option.
I have to get sh-t done no matter what. My son will do laundry, sweep and vacuum, if I ask him and remind him. So many women are not only caring for children full time, but holding down jobs and doing basic chores for husbands who have no understanding or appreciation for it. We are the managers and the planners and we often do it all behind the scenes, unrecognized. It can be exhausting. Where is my stuff? You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2. I once did that. Then his mother came for a visit, heard the story and cleaned it all up for him. I filed for divorce.
This is why I live separately from my partner of three years and will continue to do so for a while yet. No thanks. My partner and I got together in our late 30s, and actually we sleep in separate rooms. Some people are totally judgy about that, but it works really well for us. Worse than Marie Barone but not my problem now.
Because of this, she and I have discussed what is needed in a partner. My 2nd husband is a gem… we truly share housework and he has been a great example of what kind of partnership she deserves. There ARE good partners out there. Over half of divorces are because of housework issues.
Far more than infidelity.
Win win. I feel you. I divorced my ex because not only was he not helping out, he was actually creating huge messes for no reason and it got to be too much. A baby in the house, a mess demon of a husband and a MIL from hell. I still have PTSD about it.
Never again. My husband does such a piss poor job of cleaning, that I just end up doing it myself. He does do all the laundry though.
This is one of the reasons I never got Fine woman at laundromat with hubby. For real. Spanky, this was my mantra too before getting married almost 10 years ago. He still does all housework when I am too busy, while he is always the one who washes up after a meal. He also has 2 jobs while I am unemployed. I taught my son and daughter to do their own laundry clean their rooms and do dishes.
On the whole my son is neater then my daughters both of them clean up and help out. In our home, we have family cleanathons where we turn on music and EVERYONE has to stop whatever else they are doing and do their part to pick up the house. I take the lead because I have the most experience my husband was raised by slobs and is another late in life convert to this arena.
However, I do not like to cook, so my husband mostly takes the lead there and I support him at times or I sit down and relax because a happy relaxed mommy is a much more valuable thing to bring to family dinner than anger and asparagus. I demand participation out of love for them and their safety and all of our collective well being.
I want to vent, but your comment sums up where I want to get to. My boyfriend is also late to the cleanliness for yourself game and leaves it to me. I almost miss the Saturday mornings where my parents would blast music in the house and we my brothers and I knew it was time to get the chores done and wash the car.
We do the music cleaning too! We do a fast version where we play one song and see how much we can clean in that time. This makes us all feels like winners, even when the house is still a little messy at the end. My constitution is not strong enough to play these games with him, clearly, he was raised by wolves. So I do the dishes and he does the laundry. It took us a long time to get here — and a few bad arguments along the way.
Because Fine woman at laundromat with hubby that who zoom school is starting excuse sounds familiar. Before I even got into a serious relationship with my now husband I was very upfront about housework and cooking. He loves to cook, we both hate to clean. I do dishes since he cooks and laundry, he does the rest. It seems you had those conversations which are important to have before tying the knot with someone.
I was raised by parents who both did the chores so I am not settling for anything less. This nonsense about women being auto-nurturing is precisely that — nonsense. Housework should be waged. Oh boy this post has got me because I have been in this situation, talked about this stuff, cried about this stuff, all the freakin time.
The emotional baggage. Yes my husband is by far much better then most and I do consider us partners but it took work to get to this place and he was never purposely being an idiot about it but it was so hard for him to just have it become second nature like it is to me. He was just raised by a woman who did everything for him which is not right or good.
We were actually just discussing this yesterday and I was taking about how I want our sons to be able to take care of themselves and want to take care of their partners and how I worry for our daughters because men are crap. Then we started talking about his maga parents and how his mom did pretty much everything, raised five kids and took care of all household things, while his dad went to work and thought that was all he had to do.
On the other hand he has a couple of brothers who treat their wives like his dad treated his mom, expecting them to do everything even if they work as well and on top of that always putting them down, giving them crap for ever deigning to take some time for themselves. I could go on and on about this topic. I also wanted to add he does cook every night though, he lo the dishwasher, empties it in the morning, he gives the majority of baths, he has never once refused to change diaper or make bottles, he does school runs, he puts pony tails and braids in hair, he is not some douche bro who thinks anything is taking away his masculinity.
He just was raised to not have to do anything for himself. Ugh, yes! Delegating responsibly is mental labor! Why are the women expected to organize and delegate tasks? And then they resent you for ordering them around and telling them what to do. Agreed, housework should have a wage value attached to it! In our house, I make more money than my husband so naturally, to make up the difference in overall contribution, he does the bulk of the cleaning.
And we each take on the tasks that the other hates the most to be nice. It sounds ridiculous even typing it out and I get pretty resentful at times, but now I only work 2 to 3 days a week so I do most of the household chores and cooking. He makes 10 times what I do and thinks he makes more because he works harder, lol no. Otherwise the one who earns a large salary working hour weeks at the office gets to enjoy a leisurely weekend while the part-time worker has to clean and care for the kids for the entire weekend to make up the difference. My husband makes about two-thirds more than I do. However, I have a much more demanding job, and generally work longer hours.
Also, what does this mean for stay-at-home parents? When my husband took up a less demanding creative role, I took up a more demanding and lucrative one to support him, so he picked up household slack to support me. I got so tired of Fine woman at laundromat with hubby dishes that eventually every time I would wash them I would hide a few until we had exactly one plate and one cup and one utensil per person.
But my plan was working, right? Everyone was washing a dish when they wanted to eat. The whole bit. Gravy boat included. Now I have to start all over and my closest have hidden dishes stuffed between the sheets. My ex long ago partner was the only single something man I knew who owned his own vacuum cleaner.
He regularly cooked for me and made gourmet meals and was a fastidious house-keeper. I left him as soon as it was feasibly possible and have been so grateful for my own space since then. I never fully realized the anger of women until I had kids and was in that domestic experience. I certainly had a new appreciation of my mother who said hallelujah every time a dish broke one less to wash! I think it must seldom get that bad until kids are involved. God help me….
We want them to DO without us having to ask. We are NOT their mothers! They let them get away with doing nothing, their precious little men. Emotional labor is WORK that never ends. In the last months of living with my ex I was working two jobs and I remember me crying while cleaning the kitchen after the dishes.
Ha, one time I asked my husband to help with the laundry. He made some comment about how he does the yard work. You all should have seen my face. Anyway, this was also November. So I just kind of looked at him and shrugged. It took him a month, 6 weeks to figure out what was going on. I should also clarify that at the time he was wearing suits every day, which get dry cleaned, so it wasnt like he was putting full outfits into the laundry every day. Cleaning, cooking, washing dishes and laundry and maintaining organization need to be done daily, days a year.Fine woman at laundromat with hubby
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